Daddy Issues: A Letter to Donald Trump Jr.

Dear Donald Trump Jr.,

In light of recent events, I just feel like someone has got to level with you - your dad doesn’t like you very much. I know it, he knows it, even your dad’s supporters kind of feel his lack of faith in you as a son. You may have even sensed it. It’s palpable. I wouldn’t feel too bad about it if i were you though, because it seems your dad doesn’t seem to like anyone too much. This is a common side effect of narcissism. Trump Sr. loves himself and no one else. There’s an argument to be made that he loves Ivanka. She, after all, is the most attractive, successful and well liked of his kin - but even that love, in my opinion, seems to stem from the premise that she is his ‘skinny’ mirror - a reflection of him as he sees himself, all positives and no negatives. You, on the other hand, are more akin to his department-store-florescent-lit-dressing-room-mirror - exposing all his flaws, failures and weaknesses as he sees them in you. You are his emotional scapegoat. And now you may become his legal scapegoat. This man that has never liked you, has now implicated you in possibly illegal activities including colluding with foreign adversaries.

Look, I get it. It’s family. It’s your blood. There’s an obligation there. You’ve gone on national TV time and time again defending your father’s insane and often incoherent tweets. You’ve stood by him through it all, trying desperately not to make a wrong move or a gaffe for fear of incurring the wrath of daddy. You’ve withstood sneering jokes at your expense and malice from the haters on Twitter. All to support your father who has never seen you as anything but a “Fredo”. And nobody wants to be the “Fredo”. And now that you’re finding yourself in a bit of trouble, dad should return the favor of your loyalty and use his platform to defend you, right? Wrong. Your father, the man who you were trying to help, who got you into this mess, whose approval you so desperately seek, the man who tweets about EVERYTHING - has so far remained silent on your current predicament. It seems on this matter he has very little to say. Not a good sign, bro. He even took the time to defend Ivanka this week for her latest scandal - sitting in for him at the G20 - but no mention of your troubles.

Come on, Donny. How did it come to this? Remember the good old days when you were just off in Africa, shooting endangered animals with machine guns for sport? Perhaps you should have taken a page from Tiffany’s book. Knowing she was not the preferred child, took off and seems to associate as little as possible with the rest of the family. She was there when she had to be on the campaign trail, at the inauguration - because it’s family there are certain obligations - but other than that she’s pretty quiet. She’s just living her privileged rich kid life elsewhere, beyond the disapproving stare of her love-withholding father who will never love her as much as he loves himself (and/including Ivanka). Now doesn’t that sound appealing?

I guess what I’m saying is, give up Don Jr. Nobody is forcing you to go defend your buffoon of a father. Not even your father. I know this because you are exceedingly bad at defending him. And as for this legal trouble - if things take a turn for the worse - are you certain that your dad would even consider granting you a pardon? A pardon for a disappointment of a son over the ability to lock up the personification of the worst parts of himself once and for all? I wouldn’t be so sure that he’d choose you in that scenario. So before you go ahead and perjure yourself under oath in front of the House and Senate committees, just take a minute to think about what your father would do - not the good, ‘Ivanka’ version of your father, but the petulant and craven ‘you’ version of him. The ‘real’ version of him.  Would he lie to defend someone who has not praised him recently (or possibly ever) and one who has been extremely critical of him? Or, would he strike a deal to save himself, no matter the cost to the people around him? I think you know the answer.

If you still don’t believe me, I suppose you could use your continuing loyalty as a bargaining chip to finally acquire the approval from your father - but going to jail just to hear your dad say “I am proud of you son” as a 39 year old man seems like, as your dad might say,  a “BAD DEAL”. But you do you boo-boo.

Just think about it.

Sincerely,

One of the haters who would probably enjoy watching your downfall